Tonight
I long to feel Your presence
I yearn for Your arms around me
Your warmth in my heart
I need to know that You are there
I do not have questions
I do not need any answers
I do not need to know why
I just need to know that You are there
I cry,
I do not know why and whom I cry for
I do not loose or miss anything
I just can't feel that You are there
Will You send me a sign?
a smile?
a giggle?
cause You think I am being silly?
and remind me that that You are there
Will You come into my dream?
And take me in Your arms
I need to know that You are there
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Finding myself back
The past few months have been the most difficult times of my life.... I lost track of the person that I once were and the adversity that I had to go through cloud the path to finding myself back. I had been fighting to win price of a dream that I shared with someone I love deeply.... A dream of sharing our life together, waking up next to each other and ending the day in each other's arm till the end of time...
Years passed when things were going miraculously, we were like world's most famous story teller that could recite a story of love so great that it defies the impossible challenges of life; distance, culture, time differences all things that seem to make it impossible mattered not... Our love was build upon our shared belief that our connection went beyond our bodies. It was our mind and our soul that we fed with love that we have for each other to sustain us through anything. We knew that the paths were difficult. But we would prevail because we believe that God would show us the way, and God did lead the way. He led the way through all the little details, that each of our wishes were all granted beautifully. Each days we both grew from our love
Life was one big peaceful place where our dream was the light that kept us going and what a beautiful clear light it was
Last year, I lost my path
Worst, I lost my clarity of what it was that I needed to do
I lost my faith in love and let my fear take possession of my soul
I'd been fighting since and each time I hit the wall. I was not aware that in each fight I lost myself further. The fear of loosing the dream was so great that I was not able to see what I was doing to myself, let alone my partner...
Love that was once so great and so powerful lost its strength and its meaning. The sweetness that fed its growth turned sour, leaving a bitter taste each time the word was uttered...
I was scared and then I got angry. I was outrage and then I started blaming myself for not being able to come through the hole. And yet it was not enough so I stated blaming my partner and when the anger turned to wrath I blamed God for not being able to show me love that He once promised.
Until I could not walked further, until the distance to the wall got so close that each time I stood up, I fell down. Breaking myself, breaking the person that I love most. Lost in the midst of my own confusion not able to remember who I am
I have no choice but to let go of the dream
And just like that all the fear that I carried so heavily in my heart got lifted up
I no longer have to win
I no longer need to fight
I only need to live
And living with myself is an act that I know how to do
I find myself released from pressure so high I feel like I am floating
I have no regrets of the past, I have lost the dream I once had and that pains me deeply but I have at least find myself back and that is more than what I could ask for now
Years passed when things were going miraculously, we were like world's most famous story teller that could recite a story of love so great that it defies the impossible challenges of life; distance, culture, time differences all things that seem to make it impossible mattered not... Our love was build upon our shared belief that our connection went beyond our bodies. It was our mind and our soul that we fed with love that we have for each other to sustain us through anything. We knew that the paths were difficult. But we would prevail because we believe that God would show us the way, and God did lead the way. He led the way through all the little details, that each of our wishes were all granted beautifully. Each days we both grew from our love
Life was one big peaceful place where our dream was the light that kept us going and what a beautiful clear light it was
Last year, I lost my path
Worst, I lost my clarity of what it was that I needed to do
I lost my faith in love and let my fear take possession of my soul
I'd been fighting since and each time I hit the wall. I was not aware that in each fight I lost myself further. The fear of loosing the dream was so great that I was not able to see what I was doing to myself, let alone my partner...
Love that was once so great and so powerful lost its strength and its meaning. The sweetness that fed its growth turned sour, leaving a bitter taste each time the word was uttered...
I was scared and then I got angry. I was outrage and then I started blaming myself for not being able to come through the hole. And yet it was not enough so I stated blaming my partner and when the anger turned to wrath I blamed God for not being able to show me love that He once promised.
Until I could not walked further, until the distance to the wall got so close that each time I stood up, I fell down. Breaking myself, breaking the person that I love most. Lost in the midst of my own confusion not able to remember who I am
I have no choice but to let go of the dream
And just like that all the fear that I carried so heavily in my heart got lifted up
I no longer have to win
I no longer need to fight
I only need to live
And living with myself is an act that I know how to do
I find myself released from pressure so high I feel like I am floating
I have no regrets of the past, I have lost the dream I once had and that pains me deeply but I have at least find myself back and that is more than what I could ask for now
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
What buys a second chance in life?
Everyone I know have gotten to the other side, crossing the line that divide those who keep their thoughts in secret places and those that post them in the virtual world. I never found the inspiration and struggled to understand what for…
At the same time, I found myself getting inspiration in these blogs, or just that warm feeling that one get when discovering something new. So I decided it’s the motives that's important. Mine is to be grateful for finding light to life’s (sometimes) complicated situations… and if sharing it would help others in their search for the truth then be it..
This morning I was savoring a rare moment, my day off without the girls. In my quiet and peaceful self, I stumbled across a big headline in the news paper, “Adult stem cells, lease for a new life”. An ad for company that provides service to store adult stem cells in the most high tech box, to keep in case one ever needs new cells to repair what gets broken by accident or disease… A collection of your own cells, made up of the purest and most versatile of all cells, stored in high security deep-frozen liquid nitrogen storage tanks labeled with your name on it. Just like in those futuristic movies.
My heart stopped, my paranoia took over as I went through the whole article thinking that I should consider this scheme for my girls, getting them “a chance of a new life”. I mean how could I not think of this?
Slowly, I got out of my psycho mode (after hard realization that I might get reborn twice and still not able to save enough money to afford it…) my mind flooded with questions and twisted in knots of arguments; “how can this be possible, what does this mean, where is God in all this…?” I am sure God must have something to do with the advancement of medical science by allowing these smart scientists discover new “miracle” to help the human kind. But how is it possible that second chances are only available to those with $$$ ? What happens to the poor? No chance?
My logic failed me, each time I pondered upon these questions huge space opened up and I got lost in this place not being able to find the beginning nor see the end…. It just did not feel right….
Until a small light entered my consciousness, I could hear a voice inside me, “these answers have been provided for free, for all of us, with no exceptions”. It was the moment of truth, suddenly peace took over and all my knotted arguments find way to unraveled… I got enlightened.
When we choose to see ourselves as the true man that we are, made in God’s image and likeness and not out of cells, we know that God provides for each one of us a never ending source of divine cells, His ideas which is the “mother cells” of all human kind…. No need for a deep- frozen high tech compartment that cost a fortune to acquire, there is a divine compartment with our names written all over it, “The children of God”. A compartment that will supply us with exactly what we need when we need them… Wido/December 13, 2006
At the same time, I found myself getting inspiration in these blogs, or just that warm feeling that one get when discovering something new. So I decided it’s the motives that's important. Mine is to be grateful for finding light to life’s (sometimes) complicated situations… and if sharing it would help others in their search for the truth then be it..
This morning I was savoring a rare moment, my day off without the girls. In my quiet and peaceful self, I stumbled across a big headline in the news paper, “Adult stem cells, lease for a new life”. An ad for company that provides service to store adult stem cells in the most high tech box, to keep in case one ever needs new cells to repair what gets broken by accident or disease… A collection of your own cells, made up of the purest and most versatile of all cells, stored in high security deep-frozen liquid nitrogen storage tanks labeled with your name on it. Just like in those futuristic movies.
My heart stopped, my paranoia took over as I went through the whole article thinking that I should consider this scheme for my girls, getting them “a chance of a new life”. I mean how could I not think of this?
Slowly, I got out of my psycho mode (after hard realization that I might get reborn twice and still not able to save enough money to afford it…) my mind flooded with questions and twisted in knots of arguments; “how can this be possible, what does this mean, where is God in all this…?” I am sure God must have something to do with the advancement of medical science by allowing these smart scientists discover new “miracle” to help the human kind. But how is it possible that second chances are only available to those with $$$ ? What happens to the poor? No chance?
My logic failed me, each time I pondered upon these questions huge space opened up and I got lost in this place not being able to find the beginning nor see the end…. It just did not feel right….
Until a small light entered my consciousness, I could hear a voice inside me, “these answers have been provided for free, for all of us, with no exceptions”. It was the moment of truth, suddenly peace took over and all my knotted arguments find way to unraveled… I got enlightened.
When we choose to see ourselves as the true man that we are, made in God’s image and likeness and not out of cells, we know that God provides for each one of us a never ending source of divine cells, His ideas which is the “mother cells” of all human kind…. No need for a deep- frozen high tech compartment that cost a fortune to acquire, there is a divine compartment with our names written all over it, “The children of God”. A compartment that will supply us with exactly what we need when we need them… Wido/December 13, 2006
I believe I can fly
Exactly six years ago, a friend encouraged me to take a leap of faith and jumped. He said “if you fall flat on your face I'd be there to help you pick up the pieces, we'd smoke and drink the sadness away…. ”
He never had to do it, because since I made the choice to jump I found the trick to stay afloat. I never really hit the ground.
There are times when I got so close to the bottom that I thought I’d crash. But each time I got too dangerously low I turned to the truth. Each time, it works like magic fairy dusts sprinkled from the wand of my Fairy God Mother sending that force that pushes me up and keeps me flying..
I realize now that one has to jumped to know how to fly and one has to have faith to keep flying
To Rocky, for that little word of wisdom that led to my courage to embrace the best thing that ever happened to me… Wido/Dec 13, 2006
He never had to do it, because since I made the choice to jump I found the trick to stay afloat. I never really hit the ground.
There are times when I got so close to the bottom that I thought I’d crash. But each time I got too dangerously low I turned to the truth. Each time, it works like magic fairy dusts sprinkled from the wand of my Fairy God Mother sending that force that pushes me up and keeps me flying..
I realize now that one has to jumped to know how to fly and one has to have faith to keep flying
To Rocky, for that little word of wisdom that led to my courage to embrace the best thing that ever happened to me… Wido/Dec 13, 2006
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